Telling the Truth

The best monsters are the ones you can’t see.

That’s because they hide in plain sight.

You see them all the time and it never strikes you that this kind, loving, gentle human being is secretly, savagely unraveling the threads of sanity of the tiny, helpless one who cowers next to him, ruthlessly feeding upon her very life force.

She looks like she loves him, doesn’t she?

She does.

She stares at him worshipfully, her eyes full of hope and trust, fighting against her instincts that tell her to run for her life.

The truth? She has nowhere to go.

Ever been so hopelessly trapped that the only way out, the only chance to escape complete and utter insanity, is to desperately stay in love with your gaoler? To escape into a world of make belief because reality is beyond bearing? To cling to a lie, for the truth just cannot be allowed space? The Stockholm Syndrome? Kind of. But far, far more distorted – a perversion of a perversion, if that is possible.

For her captor is her loved one.

He holds a position of complete trust. To the world he is the one who has brought her up and whom mortals fear and admire because he is so fiercely protective of her. He is known for never letting her go anywhere unaccompanied. For making the fiercest Rottweiler look like a lamb, when it comes to his tenacity and ruthlessness regarding her ‘safety’. In fact, they joke about how they pity the man who courts her because the poor young fellow will have to get past HIM first. And they envy her and wish they had been so loved and protected in their childhood.

Did no one see? Or did no one want to see?

God has a twisted sense of humour.

And you live with self loathing and you learn to get up each morning and close the door on the night and behave as if nothing has happened. You adjust your mask, give your tattered soul one last shake as you tuck it away in its forgotten corner, and sally forth with a wide smile.

For who do you tell? What do you tell? Who will believe you when you tell?

Don’t you understand? To ‘tell’ on him is worse than your worst nightmare. The consequences would be beyond measure – annihilation and devastation that will blow apart your world and leave you standing amidst the ruins lonelier than ever.

Your greatest fear? That the truth won’t set you free. It will leave you with nothing and nowhere to go, for everywhere you look, they are pointing at you accusingly.

‘You destroyed us.’

‘Why couldn’t you keep quiet?’

‘You are so painfully selfish – look at the price we have all had to pay.’

‘Why could you not keep quiet?’

That is” IF they believe you in the first place.

The choice is between the Devil and the deep blue sea.

So the little one holds her peace. She keeps the horror within and she smiles bravely at the world and slips her little hand into the monster’s and prays to the only God she knows – the God of destruction - that a miracle will take place and this man will suddenly actually love her and protect her.

And he looks down at her and smiles tenderly and her heart beats a little faster – perhaps her prayer has been answered?

                                 

Until the day ends and the long night of terror begins…..yet again. The endless waiting. And just when she thinks the worst has passed and tonight she can finally sleep, the door opens and her silent cry flies up into the unknown land of hopelessness as he slips in beside her and the pain begins.

You see, he told her that if she ‘told’ on him, no one would believe her.

And then he told her that even if she spoke, and assuming they believed her, the consequences would be broken lives and she would be the one responsible for it.

And he told her that he was not the one responsible for what was happening…it was she who had tempted him. He was just a man.

No one told her that all it would take would be a simple “No”. She would only learn this truth 10 years later, after her soul had been scarred beyond recognition and it was too late to salvage the distorted remnants.

No one told her that she did not need to sacrifice herself at the altar of her family’s happiness.

No one told her she had a right to a life.

No one told her she was not at fault. 
 

You see - she simply couldn’t be……….

……….she was only 10 years old.