The Golden Rule!

‘Twas the summer of 2013 and all was well with the world…..the school was thriving and the boys full of mischief. (If they weren’t, then something was terribly wrong!)

It happened to be the Sports season. The inter-house matches were being played with great zeal, with every point being  challenged vociferously and conceded grudgingly. After all, even 1 point could be the deciding difference between the Champion House and the Runner-up.

It was in the midst of all this controlled chaos that the new Class 12 suddenly approached the Principal one day with an idea –‘Let’s hold an inter-house Kabaddi Championship’, they said. The Principal thought it over, consulted with her coordinators and finally accorded consent as she secretly quite liked the idea of including an ethnic sport into the curriculum.

Plans were made and executed with great rapidity, rules drawn up, the trophy designed and presented by the outgoing batch as their ‘gift’, and finally the great day dawned. All the Senior Secondary staff assembled on the playground to witness this historic moment. The macho hormones were on full display as the teams swaggered into place, trading insults to the manner born, while the school PE Teacher vainly attempted to call all present, to order.

The whistle blew and the first team launched themselves into the restrained space, desperately avoiding the clutches (whilst simultaneously attempting to pin him down) of the opposing player who kept muttering “kabbadi kabbadi” incessantly till he ran out of breath and had to retreat back over his team’s line. And so it went and all was well with the world, barring the fact that most of the vests were ripped off within the first few minutes thanks to the firm, bulldog grip of the opposition. But it’s an all-boys’ school so no one was particularly disturbed by the hairy chests on full display. The sight was accepted with perfect equanimity as befits a single gender institution.

That is, until disaster struck.

You see, it being the first kabbadi tournament ever played in the school, no one had thought every finer detail through. And ladies and gentleman, let me reiterate…..success lies in the details!

So what exactly did happen? Well…as the offender lunged to grab one of the defenders, he accidently grasped the shorts of the opposing team member. What followed belongs to the infamous Tales of Woe. Before the poor lad could comprehend what was happening, to his absolute horror, his shorts abruptly and rapidly descended, leaving him exposed to the elements in nothing other than…. his solitary undergarment!

Now what would be your first reaction if you were to find yourself having performed an unintentional strip tease in the presence of all your teaching faculty, 90% of which happen to belong to the feminine gender? Wouldn’t you immediately spin and check who had seen what, even while you were desperately hoisting the offending garment with a rapidity that left its descent a slow-motion event in comparison?!

Well, that’s exactly what our young hero did. But to his utmost relief (may the good Lord forever bless the teachers for their adroit presence of mind) he found the staff in its entirety, bar NONE, minutely examining the branches of a nearby tree, whilst a few others were closely observing a hawk spiraling directly overhead!
Not a face was turned in his direction and not a word spoken to indicate that anything untoward had taken place. It was a moment of suspended animation that would have been worthy of an Oscar nomination….the boy blushing furiously and gaping suspiciously, whilst  the staff were the epitome of nonchalance, even going so far as to then turn to each other and comment upon the beauty of the tree/flight of the hawk with perfect seriousness, all the while carefully avoiding eye contact with the said hapless victim.

The rest of the boys? What do you expect? Of course they rose to the occasion. With perfect presence of mind they formed a phalanx around the poor harried one and smoothly moved him off the court. His replacement glided on confidently as if he’d been participating all along, the opposing team raised no objection, and the game continued as if nothing had ever happened. 

The only small difference to be observed was that the defending team were slightly incapacitated as they were seen firmly holding their shorts up with one hand for the rest of the match.

What happened after I cannot claim to know with any certainty, but I have it on good authority that that poor lad earned himself a brand-new nick name, which he answers to, even to this day!

What I do, however, know with absolute certainty was that a new rule was incorporated with an alacrity that well outdid the speed of light. In capitals it read, “NO BOY WILL BE PERMITTED TO PARTICIPATE IN A KABBADI MATCH UNLESS HIS SHORTS ARE HELD UP WITH A NADA/TAPE’!!!!