A Weighty Matter

A Golden Jubilee is always a time for a huge celebration. When our school was approaching the grand ‘old’ age of half a century, a similar conclusion was reached. Meetings were held, ideas thrashed out, parleys and heated discussions undertaken, till slowly but surely, a consensus was reached by all regarding at least one of the suggestions…..to stage a play.

But how can St John’s High School stage an ordinary drama? No sireee. It has
to be different. It has to be grand. It has to have colour and pageantry. It must be awe-inspiring, impressive, majestic, stately, monumental, spectacular, stunning…….I think you’ve got the idea. So there we were deciding on the next step, keeping in mind that it must be awe-inspiring, impressive, majestic, stately, monumental, spectacular, stunning …….SIGH.             

After much discussion, debate (and a couple of minor fisticuffs…among the students) it was finally decided that we would stage a…..musical!

So we girded for battle. We set about holding trials for the cast, allocating responsibilities, organizing information, collecting material, practicing dialogues, choreographing steps, selecting the choir……..just recalling it all is exhausting enough, so you can well imagine our state in reality, dear reader. ‘Frazzled’ is putting it mildly!

Adding to everyone’s woes, the Principal (yours truly) decided, in her infinite wisdom, that we would “do it ourselves”!! So there were the poor staff in charge of makeup, yanking in a professor from the university and shanghaiing him into giving them lessons on body painting the ‘animals’ in the cast! The music teacher was pulling out her hair trying to find kids who could hold a tune. The dance in-charge was giving her strong competition in the hysteria department as she was finding it nigh impossible to find any lads who did not have 2 left feet. The gentleman handling the props gave a whole new definition to the Indian ‘jugaad’ (improvising), in his efforts to create the stage accessories. Identifying a suitable costumer was yet another headache in the making, whilst the plight of those responsible for casting was definitely in a league of its own! Do remember….they had to find female leads in an all-boy’s school! In short…..everyone was at sixes and sevens.

The only concession the Principal made was to get assistance in 2 fields….mask making and directing. In that as well, she was able to enlist 2 amazingly talented gentlemen who also happened to be the husbands of teachers in the school! Now it was an all-family affair!

Of course, needless to say, the larks that were happiest, were the ones who would actually be finally onstage…the boys. It was a grand adventure for them
and they rose to the occasion, to the manner born. Suddenly they were the stars of the school. Everyone gazed at them admiringly as they passed by, teachers greeted them affectionately and granted concessions when it came to Homework, their classmates made way for them….and they took all the adulation in their stride. With slightly altitudinous chins, tilted at just the right angle, they strolled casually along the corridors, stopping occasionally to address a lesser mortal or bestow their lordly gaze upon an adoring smallie. Talk about 7^th heaven!

After a great deal of confusion, numerous shouting matches and the odd nervous breakdown, we were finally ready enough to try out our very first practice….with props. In walked the lead characters with their incredible masks in place (many thanks to the mask artist-husband), the choir burst into song, the dancers gyrated in a truly professional manner. Everything was actually progressing smoothly, thanks to the brilliant direction of the husband-director. And there we were, congratulating each other on how well we had done.

But, dear reader, if there is one lesson life teaches us, it is the evergreen adage, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Just as we settled comfortably into our seats, preparing to enjoy the show, the symbolic chickens not only hatched, but abruptly flew the coop as well, en masse! So at what point did this happen? Well….the lion climbed onto Pride Rock, accompanied by his lioness, with his cub closely following in the arms of the orangutan. All 4 main characters traipsed to the very edge of the projecting precipice (as they had been instructed to) and said orangutan turned to raise said baby above his head for all the devoted animal subjects to behold.

Allow me to digress for a minute here, dear reader. Do you recall what I had said about the props-in-charge being a truly remarkable ‘jugaad’ expert? Well, the greatest challenge in his long list of tests, was the creation of the humongous Pride Rock. Do remember, this juggernaut had to take the weight of at least 5 people, without collapsing, be portable (so we could roll it on and off the stage) and yet compact enough to fit between the wings and not take up the whole backstage. The permutations and combinations that had to be kept in mind while constructing this masterpiece were truly mind boggling! It was a genuinely genius creation.

So how did he design it? Elementary dear Watson - He created a metal skeleton, with a ladder at the back, to make it easy to access the top. The projection was a mini ramp. Wheels on the base allowed it to be rolled back and forth and then the whole shebang was covered with tarpaulin and sackcloth and painted to look like a gigantic rock! How proud we were of it!

That is – until said hero-lion walked the ramp arm in arm with said heroine-lioness and said mini-hero cub and orangutan. Have I mentioned that they were accompanied by one or 2 other extraneous creatures?

So back to the “ The lion climbed onto Pride Rock, accompanied by his lioness, with his cub closely following in the arms of the orangutan. All 4 main characters traipsed to the very edge of the projecting precipice (as they had been instructed to) and said orangutan turned to raise said baby above his head for all the devoted animal subjects to behold

..” And that’s when all hell broke loose. Suddenly the entire Pride Rock started to emulate the Leaning Tower of Pisa and did a slow tilt forward, as Father Gravity took over, thanks to the sudden weight of the combined actors closely congregated at the very tip of the projection! We watched with horrified fascination as Pride Rock did a slow motion nose dive whilst the motionless crew suddenly galvanized into action figures and attempted to either spring to safety or counter the forward descent by desperately trying to scale the Mount Everest that had magically appeared behind them.

As they scrambled to safety, the support staff on the stage also miraculously transitioned into a super-hero rescue contingent. 2 dived for the stairs and hung on for dear life, in an attempt to counter the weight in front. 2 others levitated (I kid you not) and grabbed the newly instituted mountain climbers, urging them ever onwards and upwards (in keeping with the school anthem….Onwards and upwards shall we strive…..but I digress). Sundry others transformed into the St John’s cricket team, with one difference….each and every member was now a fielder, bobbing and swerving, arms extended, dangerously attempting to grab a flying figure that had launched itself into the air from the ramp/diving board. Inevitably, all successful attempts ended in both parties sprawled in a rather ungainly fashion, on the stage, with groans and cries adding suitable sound effects to the horror movie unravelling before our eyes. The icing on the cake was the baby lion who had somehow managed to slip off the landscape, but had grabbed onto the very edge just before plunging off, and was hanging perilously from the offending structure, even as it gradually descended in an attempt to kiss mother earth (read Stage).

All that was left to us to do, was -  pray.

Well, dear reader, you will be glad to know that God does answer prayers! To date, I firmly believe that the combined prayers raised skywards that day, led to a miracle…..Pride Rock suddenly stopped it’s downward motion, stayed suspended for all of an eternity (actually, it was more like 10 seconds, but then do remember the Theory of Relativity that was in full play at that moment in time) and then ever, ever so gradually, reversed its direction and creaked its way back onto the stage.

What a sigh swept through the auditorium! More fervent prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude have never been sent heavenwards! And we all raced for the stage, gathering our little ones (and not so little ones) into our motherly arms, carefully checking each one out for any bruises or broken bones!

I always maintain that the eagles that somehow always seem suspended over St John’s are the guardian angels of the school. It is the only explanation I can find for the fact that not a single child or staff member was even bruised!

All that remains to be said is that the final show/s were a smashing success. Our boys did us proud, the audience was loud and enthusiastic and – most importantly – Pride Rock stayed firmly in place! I may mention in passing, that this was thanks to the addition of 6 staff members (including the Principal) who were very strictly designated to charge and stolidly seat themselves on the steps of the prop, each time the baby cub was hauled into the air!!!